I have wanted to do a blog for so many months but now that I have the go ahead its actually quite a daunting prospect.
I guess one should start with the aim. I have been a family lawyer since 1995. Outside of work I have got involved with various groups and through sharing ideas have found lots of ways to make my life as a working parent easier. I hope that those reading this blog will find sharing my experiences from my professional and non-professional life helpful.
Relationship breakdown has a huge effect on people. One of the most rewarding aspects of my job is seeing people come out the other side so to speak. I see people really recover and in a lot of cases end up stronger and happier people. It is hard to persuade them that this will be the case at that difficult first meeting. I hope in due course that some of the many wonderful clients I have acted for over the years will share their stories on this blog. If you are reading this having recently realised that your relationship is in difficulty then please do believe me when I say it will get easier.
As a parent myself I know how much we all want to give our children the best lives we possibly can. Seeing cases go through the traditional court process following separation can be incredibly traumatic. People do sometimes lose sight of what really matters when they become embroiled in litigation. Completely reasonable people end up arguing in ways that they themselves sometimes cannot believe. I think unfortunately the current court system with inevitable delays and the need to put one’s case in writing can mean it is harder following the proceedings for a couple to co-parent. Their children can suffer considerably as a result.
I am trained as both a mediator and collaborative lawyer as well as a solicitor. I am a huge fan of resolving matters without court proceedings. It is never easy but I do believe getting a couple to sit in the same room and talk about the issues they have, trying themselves to find a way forward that will work for the whole family is in some cases better than having a judge adjudicating. If there is no choice other than court then it can be a daunting prospect but choosing the right professionals to work with from lawyers to experts can make a big difference.
I am going to share some dos and don’ts which I hope separating couples will find helpful. Some of them serious – imagine if your child read what you have said about their parent in the future, others more trivial – remember to brush their hair (sorry to be sexist but this is generally one that dad’s are not as good at as mum’s would like them to be).
The reference to Brown Beaver converted to Woodpecker is that for 7 years I was leader of a local Beaver group. Beavers, for those who don’t know, are young cubs - as in the Scout movement. I thoroughly enjoyed the weekly meetings and weekend activities, seeing the youngsters gain confidence. Now I see my former Beavers around town and they are taller than me! I am pleased to say most of the time that they seem to be behaving in a respectable and responsible manner and no longer tap me on the shoulder and “hello Brown Beaver” in Woolworths (it is no longer there) which was always a tad embarrassing. Having had two daughters and with the local Beavers not yet taking girls I converted to the female equivalent and am currently helping with the Brownies. They chose the name - Woodpecker – I would not have allowed this if I realised that you had to draw your character on the weekly birthday cards. Any tips on how to draw a woodpecker welcome (art one of my many very weak points). The result of doing these activities with youngsters is that I have folders full of cheap ideas to entertain and find organising my own (and their friends’) children’s birthday parties comparatively easy. I am happy to share these with you which I hope will help either for those who have one on one time with a child or children or for those who have to organise events for many.
I realise that the walking bus may sound a bit of a joke, but it has made my life a lot easier. The basic principle behind it is children walk to school in what was called a crocodile in my day with a ratio of parents to children of 1:6. This means that working mothers like me who suddenly find they need to be in work on time one morning rather than 7 or 8 minutes late (why do schools and work start at the same time?) can drop their children and run. We won an award for being the best new walking bus (I am not even sure if any other buses were nominated) and the children were very pleased with the glory. I hope in due course to post a picture of our mascot (a bear in a fluorescent jacket) so that they can show their friends and family.
I think any PSA has its own politics and interesting characters which I think deserve a mention. You can certainly guarantee that those who are on the PSA will be the same people volunteering with every other organisation they are even vaguely connected to. If it weren’t for people like this then life would be a lot duller and quieter. I hope they will forgive me if I occasionally exaggerate slightly their characteristics when describing some of the meetings and events in due course.
I live in Tunbridge Wells and everyone knows the description “Disgusted of”. I have to acknowledge that per square mile we probably do have more pushy and keen mothers than most other areas. This I believe is because the grammar schools remain with the option if your child fails to take up a religion fast or go to the High School which at the moment people seem to regard as some kind of failure. The result if that from when their children are about the age of 4 people will be found in the playground discussing when and which tutors they should have and trying to find out at parents’ evening where exactly their child is in the class. One dad even admitted to doing the 11+ papers himself online before either of his children had even started reception. More on this anon.
Finally, as I have said above the most important people in my life are my husband and wonderful daughters. My daughters are typical “Tunbridge Wells children” who have at least one club every day after school and cupboards full of fantastic presents they have been given that we just never seem to find the time to properly use. They will be pleased to see some of the things they have said over the years shared with you (at least for now anyway) and I think my husband deserves some appreciation for enabling me to have the busy and entertaining life that I do – definitely “a fully contributing Dad”. We are both extremely grateful to my parents. I have always said that I do not think it would be possible to work and be a mother without their support. I am only in the office 3 days a week (well usually anyway) and I find that juggling hard enough. Sometimes it works really well other times we get close to disaster. I will be sharing the stories from forgetting the African fruits to managing to leave my own clipboard on the bus on the school trip in due course…………
